The Fine Art of Surfacing is i think an album title from the Boomtown Rats, however it applies to my week this last week. After some mania Sunday evening last weekend at a Doctor Who convention, approx 36 hours in total, I then had a horrid dip with the Black Dog and Anxiety this last Tuesday.
THEN things got better, since Wednesday my low mood has rescinded and Im left with just the anxietal thoughts, I feel much better about in myself though maybe not about myself and long may it continue. It means Im focussing in on the anxiety thats left and navigating that however I feel so much better than I have done for 5 months. Ive even crept out onto socialmedia !?!
Im so pleased to get some respite from the frustration and hope that I can carry that into work next week and a greek holiday the following week. Going to try and pace myself this week so that I dont go backwards though.
The reason I used the title for the blog that Im using is that it currently feels like I've dived in off the deep end of a pool and there was initially exhilaration ( the mania ) then there was the pressure of working my way up to the surface ( the dip ) and now though there is still work to do my head has broken the surface of the water. I will endeavour to live the next couple of weeks mindfully and power myself forward, hopefully.
Left currently really with just the anxiety to battle, what is my anxiety. My anxiety is a set of contradictions that I battle, I have good days but mainly bad days. My anxiety is feeling lonely in a room of people, feeling less than others, unlovable but I think in recent days I have tapped into the overwhelming feeling that Im loved and if not that definitely liked. My anxiety is the belief that my job is beyond me and yet a few chinks have shone through this week at work and so ill push those doors and see what happens. Anxiety, though is mainly for me a complete lack of confidence and self belief hence reading every self help book under the son, I guess I must be in danger of drowning on this swim in the river of Self Help.
Thanks to all my friends and colleagies, you know who you are.
anxiety is not always in control, anxiety is not always right, anxiety is jealous and doesn't want me to share, to coin a phrase from Doctor Who ............. YANA ............ You are Not alone
