Tuesday 20 October 2015

Albums that have influenced and made a mark on you ..........

A change from blog posts on Mental Health.

***NEW THING***ALBUMS FROM YOUR TEENS TO TODAY***Provide an album a year from when you hit 13 years old and explain what it meant THEN and relisten and see what you feel now .....
1976:13 years old: RAMONES by RAMONES: THEN ~~ I was listening to John Peel and this was the 3rd ever album I bought. Prior to this I had a Wombles album & Desolation Boulevard by the Sweet. This album seemed essential, energetic, full of what were though 3 chord wonders really hooky tracks. I played it an awful lot then and I moved from the Ramones to the UK Punk/New Wave scene for my musical education though friends were trying to get me into Prog. The stand out track for me was 'Blitzkreig Bop' and Im sure the album annoyed my Mum & Dads country & western tastes. Funny that Spewtum have never covered a Ramones track. NOW ~~ On relisten this album really stands the test of time, if anything the only thing is that I can now spot 2/3 tracks that were fillers though nearly 40 years ago it felt like there was no filler, all thrillers ............. next: 1977 

***NEW#2***ALBUMS FROM YOUR TEENS TO TODAY***Provide an album from when you were 14 years old and explain what it meant THEN and relisten and see what you feel now .....
1977:14 years old: So, I'm guessing most people will pick the Sex Pistols and NMTB from 1977, however I maintain that there was an album that I bought at Bowers & Barr with my school dinner monies that eclipsed that and laid the foundations for a band you can't help but admire. THE CLASH:THE CLASH. How could you fail to love an album that contains 'Janie Jones','White Riot','Garageland' & the change of direction of 'Police & Thieves', there was something about this band and there was better to come from them ........ on re-listen, though I have relistened many times it stands the test of time, it's fresh, it's varied and most of all, it's lyrically top notch all the way through. Joe was a genius .......... next: 1978


Friday 16 October 2015

...Rolling News...

Well, I had Hypnotherapy for Anxiety for the first time yesterday, but thats a story for another blog as I don't think I have enough to comment on as yet.  First session was half consultation & history, half short Hypnotherapy session.  Im not even sure if I was in a trance or just relaxed?

During the consultation I did mention that I get unnerved by watching the TV News, that I feel I shouldn't be/feel ill when there is so much worse stuff happening in the world.  I find the TV News can really alter my mood/anxiety if I'm struck with the unfairness of it all /or/ overwhelmed by the idioacy of decisions made in government.  Generally i know I can't influence much though I do supprot some of the 38 Degree campaigns as it feels like I'm engaging that way.  The Hypnotherapist/Counsellor, though, said 'Don't watch it, if it makes you feel bad, don't watch it'.  That feels like a cop out for me, that feels like, let the world sort itself out, you've got enough on without worrying about others, but I want to ensure that I treat others well.  I guess it's a juxtaposition for me.

Another friend of many years, high lighted her thoughts on some of my recent ruminations.  She also said she rarely watches the news as knowing there is sh1t in the world does neither her not them any good.  Shes chooses to focus on what she can influence and change, that's mainly herself.  She then feels that having the energy to live the life she wants to can benefit others and not just herself.  She feels being a point of positivity does actually benefit the world.  I'm far detached from being able to practically do this though.

For me, it feels like I'm making excuses for not engaging with the world if I avoid things like discussing the news, entering into political debate etc etc  My friend, who is a long standing Life Coach challenges me , as does my talking therapist.  Whom am I making excuses to?  Feels selfish but even though Im living in an a word where Im interconnecteed with all that exists I cant be responsible for it all ....... self preservation is key I guess to me making any positive influence on the world.

Joining forces with forces for positivity can make the world a better place, joining forces ( as I am currently ) with those in fear just adds to the fear.  I need to focus on what I can change, bur still have compassion for others but not believe its my pain to bear.

Does that make sense, thanks to LP, x

Tuesday 13 October 2015

The Sleep of Reason ........


We all know we need sleep, but I'm beginning to realise I really really need sleep, in order to stay normothymic with my BiPolar I need to adopt really good sleep hygiene and some days are better than others because of this ( along with many other factors ).

Good sleep hygiene means things like:-
If you wake up in the night, get up, dont fight it, give in for a while & then try again ..... dont use lit screens or watch tv when you wake up, by all means read or listen to something but dont watch.  Well thats what appears on balance to work for me.
Stimulants and Sedatives will it seems affect high and low mood.  This actually makes sense if you think about it, you are pushing for waking hours or you are pushing for sleeping hours, however there is a place for these in extreme or neccesary circumstances but good sleep hygiene I feel means coming off coffee, tea prior to the evening and it sedatives are PNR ( when required ) when really needed though maintenance meds have some sedative qualities as well.

There is an adage and to be honest its too early for me to see this for myself, when your medication is right your sleep is right, when your medication is wrong yada yada ..... guess that makes sense but at the moment I'm probably personally seeing too much variation from this.  I have read this is to do with sympathetic and parasympathetic systems within the brain ....... good leads to better, bad leads to worse, we end up in cycles of no sleep because we have bad sleep hygiene, it gets a grip and cycles.

Hope above all makes some sort of sense

Tony x

Friday 9 October 2015

World Mental Health Day today

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/world-mental-health-day/world-mental-health-day-2015

'One in four adults and one in ten children are likely to have a mental health problem in any given year. This can have a profound impact on the lives of tens of millions of people in the UK, and can affect their ability to sustain relationships, work, or just get through the day.

But an ill-informed and damaging attitude among some people exists around mental health that can make it difficult for some to seek help. It is estimated that only about a quarter of people with a mental health problem in the UK receive ongoing treatment, leaving the majority of people grappling with mental health issues on their own, seeking help or information, and dependent on the informal support of family, friends or colleagues.' - WMHO

Thursday 8 October 2015

Learning to Navigate

soooo..... I'm learning to navigate this condition, currently without work in the mix, however it is always one step at a time.  Feel quite good today so thought I would share what I think thus far.

I have to have some rules in place, Im thinking that I need to be firm with myself Sunday-Thursday with these rules but perhaps lay off them a bit Friday / Saturday ... some of the rules being
no Alchohol
no Caffeine after 6pm
any negative thoughts need application of Mindfulness
if buzzing starts ..... need to reign in and consider PCR Med
write down any scary ruminations, deal at weekend with that thinking --> solution
walks thrice a day, Mindfully
if oversharing starts ..... ned to write down what it is and why? I feel I need to share
ensure Carol knows not to reason with me when I'm being unreasonable, just park it
do not judge self, park it
if you lose to the condition, dont lose the lesson learnt in that
     ~ come back stronger next time
remember I'm entitled to happiness, it's not selfish though thats the rumination at work
no late nights during week
eat slowly, chew every mouthful
keep in touch with friends, arrange this for 2/3 times in the week
avoid 'junk food' for the mind, avoid news during the week :(
take care with finances, dont spend impulsively

It seems you can’t be mentally healthy if you’re not sleeping enough or without interruptions. Regular daily routine will help this and I need to target staying normothymic.  Remember good sleep hygiene.  If wake up, get up, dont use lit screens in night, go back to bed when tired.  Keep same waking time.  Evening tiredness should not lead to taking stimulants.

Stimulants and sedatives will affect my highs and lows, affecting my mechanisms that are responsible for maintaining my normal mood.  In particular coffee negatively affects the balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, something which is essential to my mental health.  Hence evening rule on caffiene is important regardless of tiredness.

Stability = Hopefully if my sleep is regular, indicates that my medication is right for me

Exercise has to become more and more important so that I build up a regular exercise regime

I appreciate that I'm not going to get this all running immediately but the above along with    Therapy   ,   GP review    ,    Psych review    appear to be my main targets at the moment.



hope that makes sense,   Tony

Tuesday 6 October 2015

Up Up & Whoah!

Well this week has been odd but actually feels like things are moving in the right direction.  Up to and into the weekend I was low and anxious to some degree and occasionally overwhelming however it has subsided.
Then as I keep to the approach that I need to and progressing my medication to 6* what it was, im 2/3 of the way there Im trying to grasp hopefulness as I did 5-6 weeks ago.

Carol has pointed out to me that I was getting manic over the last 2 evenings and Its been key to try and keep that mania in check, taking PSR meds alongside my others and trying to identify the mania and just try and find a level ..... this is new to me because I havent been aware of the mania side properly before and my diagnosis now paints that as key alongside the depression.

Im not BiPolar ,I have BiPolar, type2 (mixed) and the approach appears different than when the diagnosis was Cyclythymia.  In a way Im now not going to get over this BUT learn how to navigate this in my life as well as medicate to find an optimal level of being.   Keeping my mood diary opens up my eyes on my navigation of this alongside all the other levers Im trying to pull ....... Its exhausting when the Anxiety is overwhelming /or/ its equally exhausting to some degree when you are trying to navigate your life.     With stability hopefully I will relapse less and find my way.

A man called Toby Allen portrays BiPolar with some interesting words

~ http://metro.co.uk/2015/09/02/artist-imagines-what-mental-illnesses-would-look-like-as-cartoon-monsters-5372848/

https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/pic6.jpg?quality=80&strip=all&strip=all

Friday 2 October 2015

....meanwhile....

Some folks have asked me why haven't I blogged recently after the hope and the progress.  Well that's been the issue, I returned to work and it didn't quite work out how I had hoped.

I've been less communicative and suffered a huge bout of lethargy alongside the depression and anxiety, also after I had my blip into overwhelming anxiety after my 2nd 2 hours !!!!!! at work, then I had an appointment with a psychiatrist from out of the blue.  This resulted in a diagnosis a notch up from where I had thus far and changes to Meds, its took the wind out of my sails that i previously had and has probably ramped up the stress fro my wife as I really plummeted ...... Im unsure what to say at the moment as obviously my Therapists, GP, Psychiatrist and MHN are spinning this as good news / progress in and off itself but Im struggling to see it from their view point still at the moment.

I'm about 50% into the uplift in my medications and I do think I have made some limited progress, robustness and resilience is possibly a different matter entirely as I sunk into rumination very quickly last time around.

I guess this isn't really helping folks who have been talking to me as I think on the return to work days I had some pretty productive conversations with folks, then it all just slipped away.

It appears that a fragility exists with this that existed beyond what I expected. Oh and the diagnosis is BiPolar type 2 (mixed) and I sort of get it but I dont get it, Im getting there ......... I have found it harder to communicate to folks recently and that included having to try and keep my head whilst at a wedding half way across the world.

I hope this answers the query, but Im aware its disjointed.    T x